Y’all, we may never have another ‘Game of Thrones’.
The golden age of fantasy TV, if it ever existed, is coming to a close. With the wreck that was ‘House of the Dragon Season 2’ and the snoozefest that is ‘Rings of Power Season 2’, it’s looking pretty bleak for fantasy fans (the ‘Percy Jackson’ series perhaps being a notable exception).
While there are endless aspects of the Amazon show’s to rag on, today I'd like to zero in on the weakest of its aspects: its portrayal of Galadriel.
Spoilers for pretty much the entirety of 'Rings of Power' (not that it matters lmao).
The Miseducation of Galadri-Hill
So in 'Rings of Power', there are lots of elves, but the only ones worth focusing on is Elrond, Gil-Galad, Celebrimbor, and Galadriel. Here's what they have in common with the lore: Gil-Galad is the High King of the elves, Elrond is half-human and Gil-Galad's protege, Celebrimbor is lord of an elven city and also a 'master craftsman' (we'll get into that), and Galadriel is elven royalty highly respected by everyone because she's old af. Naturally, elves look eternally young and beautiful, so it can be kinda hard to wrap your head around the timeline when Gil-Galad looks older than Galadriel but definitely is not. Cirdan the Shipwright is also pottering around, and then of course there is Arondir the OC, but for the most part these characters have been mostly relegated to the background this season. All these guys are kinda worried about Sauron, the big bad shapeshifting demon (and also the big bad boyfriend of Morgoth, who is basically Satan in this universe if Satan got his ass kicked so bad that he just fucked off forever). Sauron is out to rule Middle-Earth, and he'll gaslight/gatekeep/girlboss his way to the top as his alter egos Halbrand and Annatar.
Watching this trash show is like a lesson in how not to write elves. The sheer level of stupidity displayed by these characters is baffling; the elven lords don’t contact Celebrimbor about Sauron and the Rings until Sauron has already gaslit/gatekept/girlbossed ol’ Celly-Belly into total submission. (This slander to the Eldar postal service demands justice!) Of course Sauron was gonna exploit Lord Celebrimbor's curiosity! You told this man nothing, only not to treat with Halbrand the Fivehead– which is idiotic anyway, because Halbrand/Sauron can fucking shapeshift and y’all should’ve remembered this key detail in the one message you managed to get to your ally. The Triple-Gs must reaaaaaally dislike this guy. Galadriel: “Heyyy, do you wanna tell Celebrimbor this crucial detail about these rings he made?” Gil-Galad: “Nahhhh, I’m thinking fuck that guy. He keeps saying he’s a master smith and it’s lowkey cringe? J-just tell him not to talk to Forehead Dude, he might not’ve gotten the memo.” Galadriel: “Bet.”
A brief tangent on Celebrimbor: holy Manwe, is he dumb! For a character who’s gotten lots of circulation throughout the LOTR video games, the showrunners have next to zero respect for him. From the second he meets Halbrand, he immediately simps for his blacksmith skills and starts forging shit with him. The reason why? Palbrand tells Celly-Belly-Brimble-Bor about alloys. Yup, that basic smithing technique that you kinda hafta know in order to forge steel. The master elven smith just forgot about it.
Only Cirdan actually feels like an elf. And how could you not love Cirdan the Shipwright? He advocates for Elrond to take action, bringing him and me great relief as someone who knows how to fucking move the plot forward! In the middle of S2 E2 (I think; listen, I’m not rewatching this show to confirm), I literally thought to myself, “If I have to see another scene of Galadriel and Gil-Galad talking about nothing, I’m dipping my eyes in cyanide.” It’s all expository, pointless filler here to fluff episode length and waste time! How is it that most short films communicate more in 30-40 minutes than an average RoP episode communicates in 1-2 hours? At least the showrunners finally do away with Halbrand and give way to— cue angelic chorus— Annatar! Now, the smart thing to do would be to end the episode with Annatar/Sauron saying “The Lord of the Rings!” and Celebrimbor kneeling in awed silence. What a perfect closer! But no, yet another session of Elrond and the Triple Gs follows suit. I’m really gonna miss having you, eyes.
In S2 E5, Galadriel continues her legacy of dumbassery by freely submitting to sexy Goth orc Adar (who claims to be the Father of the Orcs, even though he looks more elven than some elves) as soon as he offers her the hint of an alliance against Sauron. Why an elf would ever ally with the orc daddy for any reason at all is beyond me… much less submit to captivity in hopes of that alliance.
But S2 E6 cements Galadriel as the most… brain-dead character… in this entire brain-dead show. She seriously allies herself with Daddy Orc King Adar to besiege the main elf city in anticipation that Sauron already has it under his thumb. Let me repeat that for the people in the back: Galadriel, elven royalty, is offering to make a pact with the elves’ sworn enemies. Elves hate orcs! The first thing people learn coming into the series is that everyone hates orcs! And here’s ‘Galadriel’, giving the orc daddy permission to attack a city full of elves?!
Luckily she doesn’t actually go through with it because the writers arbitrarily tell her so. “Whoops, turns out that that orc army you have which somehow no one noticed is actually what Sauron wanted this whole time. My bad!” So Galadriel’s entire role this episode was just to tell one bad guy where the other bad guy is.
Brilliant character writing, guys.
Beleriand Blues
Galadriel has this moment in S2 E7 where her and Celebrimbor commiserate over their mutual inadequacy, which… yeah, y’all done fucked up multiple times, you should be sorry. Though to be fair, Celebrimbor has a literal demon corrupting him into stupidity– the boyfriend of this universe’s Devil, in fact– whereas Galadriel does not have that excuse.
Let me list some of Galadriel's dumbass moments from Season 1:
—Leads her team into some pointless Zelda dungeon at the ass-end of nowhere to get wiped out.
—Somehow convinces herself into believing that the fivehead she met aboard some boat is some kinda king. Literally mobilizes a small army to press King Fivehead’s claim after maybe knowing him for a week.
—Captures King Scowly McGothDad (only 100% accurate Tolkienian names here, y'all) and proceeds to get zero usable information from him beyond his pointless backstory and ‘Sauron bad’.
—Takes King Fivehead to the other elf storyline for no other reason than teasing that sweet, sweet ship #GalBrand #HalAdriel.
—Makes all kinds of snap judgments about Sauron and the Rings of Power (the MacGuffin, not the crappy show) without demonstrating how she reached them. These guesses are somehow prove true. Every. Single. Time.
It doesn’t help that we have barely any context for the world that Amazon stooges Payne and McKay try to portray, as if the audience is simply expected to know everything about Middle-Earth’s past. Things you may miss if you don’t religiously study The Silmarillion: Elrond is as old as the kingdom of Numenor, and the Numenorean royalty are technically his great-great-great-(2 hours later)-great-nephews/nieces. Galadriel has a family and is thousands of years older than everyone except Sauron. Eagles exist, and ought to be very concerned about all this… but aren’t? Annatar/Sauron makes a bazillion other lesser rings besides the Rings of Power, and generally spends a reasonable length of time establishing himself as Annatar because book Sauron plays the long con like a smart immortal.
Gal-Sadriel
I honestly don’t believe the character of Galadriel in ‘Rings of Power’ is entirely trustworthy or believable. I know for a fact that she does not give a shit about elf lives. After centuries— centuries!— of Satan's Sugar Baby not being around, Galadriel still has a hate-boner for him. She consistently endangers elf lives JUST TO PUT THE SMACKDOWN ON SOMEONE SHE HAS ZERO PROOF EXISTS. And when she is proven right and she actually finds Sauron through sheer fucking luck— guess what she does. No, guess.
She vouches for the Rings of Power. Y’know, the ones Sauron assisted with. But oops! Gal Power Galadriel doesn’t believe he messed with their magic. Yuuup, he just happened to be in the same room as them, introduced the bullshit mechanism to make them, and lobbied the hardest for making them.
There is a moment in Season 1 where a character basically addresses Galadriel like she’s an unruly teenager, when this lady is literally an epoch older than him. And the sad thing? It feels deserved. This guy is right to call Galadriel out on her conspiracy theory nonsense because at that point, Galadriel was operating with no evidence that Sauron exists. Just because her conspiracy theories are true doesn’t make her any less idiotic.
Elrond kisses Galadriel in S2 E7, and it's the most awkward thing imaginable. Elrond and Galadriel have been nothing but friends throughout the show (in the rare moments they interact at all, since Gal Power Galadriel is always on some useless solo quest), so this new ship is completely out of left field and clearly an attempt to generate some buzz, any buzz, for the show. The Internet mass-media cope is currently that the Galadriel-Elrond kiss is, in fact, not a BS ship moment, but a multi-layered strategy on the part of ‘Elf Tzu’ Elrond that was necessary to free Galadriel from Adar's clutches... because he gave her a lockpick off-screen? I literally had no reaction to seeing these two bland af elves smooch, my investment in these characters is rapidly approaching the negative.
‘Galadriel At Home’ VS Galadriel
Allow me to geek out about books for a sec.
Galadriel in the books is simply superior to Amazon’s cheap version. The daughter of a high Eldar lord, she and her brothers separated from their father Finarfin just to make a place for themselves in Middle-Earth. Her original motivation may not have been that far from the rest of the elves, who sailed to Middle-Earth in search of land and Silmarils. In their eyes, Middle-Earth is a playground in which to realize their martial dreams. Of course, Galadriel becomes good and dedicated to the downfall of Sauron eventually— but it is entirely possible that for the longest time, her real reason for not moving West is so she could pursue her grand ambitions. This is encapsulated in the moment that Frodo offers her the Ring. She could’ve easily taken it and become the awesome queen Middle-Earth deserves— but wouldn’t that just prove the Valar right? Even if Galadriel and her kin never killed any elves during the First Kinslaying that so pissed off the Valar, even if she fundamentally distrusted Feanor and his kids, she still followed them out of Valinor and when the exiled elves are extended an open invitation back to basically Heaven, Galadriel does not immediately accept. She does not want a reprieve. The loss of her brothers to Sauron’s legions, her inheritance of Lorien and Nenya and Elessar, her high position in the White Council… it all combines to an image of a queen who loves power. But as the books establish so masterfully, power and kingdoms and armies won’t save Middle-Earth. This is why her rejection of the One Ring in Fellowship is so monumental: she is proving to herself and the world that she is nothing like Uncle Feanor, and when it counts, she can step aside for the good of all. She accepts the diminishing that will follow the Ring’s destruction, and gives Elessar to Aragorn as Gandalf foretold.
The Priorities of Power
Many are the reasons why the RoP showrunners would tell their story at the expense of elven sapience. I’ve already discussed at length the shoddy choices of the screenwriters, diluting characters in exchange for spectacle and hoping their fancy costumes will make up for a painfully average, uninspiring script. Showrunners Payne and McKay are well-documented as JJ Abrams' proteges, and it shows in the storytelling style, which relies heavily on JJ Abrams' 'mystery box'. For the uninitiated, the 'mystery box' is a script-writing technique where a mystery is introduced early in a show or film series to be revealed much later (or not at all, as 'Lost' fans discovered the hard way). The main mystery box in RoP Season 1 is Sauron's identity, where viewers were subjected to an elaborate 'Among Us' game as several characters were teased as maybe-Sauron.
It got old.
To be clear, the issue is not with the actors. Most of the performances are actually quite solid! (Well, Morfydd Clark is entirely miscast as Galadriel, but that’s more of a producer problem.) Rory Kinnear does okay as Ol’ Tom Bomb; he doesn’t sing nearly enough, but he definitely nails down the kooky wise man thing. Sophia Nomvete as Disa kicks ass on a regular basis with her A+ emoting, and the Durins have been known to eat. Arondir is probably another standout; when he kills this wacky fish creature, he just stares at it and says “This I will call… dinner.” The way Arondir’s actor delivers it makes it sound like he’s about to deliver this mystical elfy name— but no, it’s just dinner. All of my enjoyment comes from Ismael Cruz Córdova’s delivery of that milquetoast line.
Most criticisms of the show are, truth be told, nitpicks. But it is the sheer quantity of minor nitpicks that accumulate to a major problem. No matter who you are, whether you’re a diehard Tolkien fan or a casual Amazon show enjoyer, it is almost guaranteed that you will have some kind of problem with ‘Rings of Power’. There’s a whole rainbow of reasons to be annoyed by this show— a petty complaint for all shapes and sizes! What gets your goat might be Sauron Amogus, or it might be the ludicrous action sequences, or the lackluster elves, or the frustrating dialogue. And now that Middle-Earth has people of color, even the racists are included in Nitpick Nirvana!
But the most substantial criticism, and one I want to give weight to, is because it’s yet another streamer butchering of a well-known fantasy IP. How many of these have we had in recent years? Witcher, Wheel of Time, A Song of Ice and Fire, and now the Tolkienverse have all been diluted by corporate greed. Youtuber Man Carrying Thing provides us with an insight: “Streamers are raising prices, increasing ads, and focusing on cheap to produce content… and fantasy never really thrived in that landscape. Fantasy, as we’ve come to expect it, is expensive as shit to produce. If you want movie-quality dragons, don’t expect much more than six or eight episodes. And if these fantasy shows aren’t bringing prestige or huge viewerships, then what’s the point from a business perspective?” As more and more studios cash in on the fantasy craze, it's becoming more and more apparent that 'Game of Thrones' was lightning in a bottle, a rare confluence of money and talent that even GoT's later seasons failed to replicate.
Despite RoP being better funded than some moon landings, viewership has been in steady decline since the Season 2 premiere. Amazon has so far kept the streaming numbers close to their chest, but it is apparent to the TV-watching public that Amazon's vanity project is far from profitable. According to Luminate charts, it rests at fifth place of all the shows now streaming. Fifth. Place. A Paramount Plus show (fuckin' Paramount Plus!) is currently outpacing Bezos' billion-dollar butt-baby.
Written by Lucas Beverley, @americanskald on Instagram.
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